"We are thirsty. Not thirsty for fame, possessions, passion, or romance. We've drunk from those pools. They are salt water in the desert. They don't quench-they kill.“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.....”Righteousness. That's it. That's what we are thirsty for. We're thirsty for a clean conscience. We crave a clean slate. We yearn for a fresh start. We pray for a hand that will enter the dark cavern or our world and do for us the one thing we can't do for ourselves-make us right again." ~ Max Lucado
This is an excerpt from Saturday morning's devotion. As I read these articulate words of, Max Lucado, I felt Grace, gently rain down upon me from the Holy Spirit. And as I re-read the above piece, Mercy flooded my soul. My soul had become distant to the Lord through frustration, disappointment, pride, anger, and confusion at my circumstances at hand. Just as progress began to move forward, it seemed as if the Lord begun to look the other way. Why the worsening pain that began to dig a hole of desperation of the worst kind within my spirit? Oh, I wore a pretty smile upon my face. I made jokes and laughed at the symptoms that are present for all to see and hear. I wrote in my blog of all His Goodness and Grace that I was bathing in each and every day.
Well, I shamefully admit, that even though I tried my best at all of those things, lately behind the scenes, I began to walk a declining slope of despair. Sadness, loneliness, and self-pity produced an ugly lining that cloaked my heart, unable for His daily Grace and Mercy to seep through. Negative thoughts deafened my ability to hear His truth. And my morning devotions recently began non-existent, except for the daily scripture I would read most days on my Bible app. Silence was preferred over my favorite worship songs. It was as if Joy was a balloon and I was allowing it to float away, its string slipping through my loosening grasp. Then throughout the Month of August, four precious individuals passed into Glory, and I could not help but deeply desire what they were now experiencing. An eternal life now without pain and sorrow. Complete Freedom.
But God is Greater than any chain that can bind us here! That binds me! These past weeks or so, God whispered words of encouragement through a sweet friend whom is walking a journey that many cannot fathom, reminding me, I am not alone; Nor ever have been. My mother-in-law is a huge support, trusted confidant, and a bonny friend. Friday night, as tears from pain and frustration streamed downward, my loving Husband helped me off our sofa and into the car. With two daughters in tow, Andy took us on a beautiful drive. With windows down, the warm night air blew my unwashed hair to and fro. Soon we watched on in awe as a silhouette of dark, billowing storm clouds lined the western horizon. And electrified by the brilliant disarrays of heat lightening, lit up the country side in lovely shades of pink and purple hues. A treasured gift from a man and my God who love me without condition. They knew I was in great need of being reminded of the simple beauties in this life that make it all worth while. A simple car ride was not so simple anymore.
Saturday, I awoke with joy in my heart, even while stumbling around, looking for my much needed migraine medicine. Later, I sat in a big comfy chair that called my name, and dove into my devotion. The devotion in which I have chosen to share with you today. The devotion which reminded me of just how much I continue to need the Lord. How I am never alone. He has given me a Peace and has prompted me to FIGHT! Faith shall see me through! And later that day when my family left for Wheaton College to take in the Football Game with my son, I was okay with that, For the Lord was with me and had other plans for me to fulfill.
"Create in me a pure heart, God, and make my spirit right again." ~PSALM 51:10
