My Kaleidoscope

I arose this morning to a glorious site. Frost had crystallized everything all around and it was beautiful. Knowing full well that the sun was already rising up over the hill and soon the frosted limbs would lose their splendor, I grabbed my camera with the hope to preserve the scene that lie before me. Soon to be no more.

This brought to mind the different hardships and all of its details that so many of us are going through this season in our lives. Illness. Loss. Grief. Pain. Financial needs. Unemployment. Worry. Doubt. Hopelessness. All wondering where the road ends and peace begins.

I am here to remind you that, "Weeping may endure thru the night, but joy cometh in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5 Meaning, nothing lasts forever. There is Mercy. There is Forgiveness. There is Grace for the taking. And there is Unconditional Love that came down in the form of a babe one starry night in Bethlehem. God in Flesh. His one purpose to bring Hope to a hurting and dying world.

In the midst of trials, if our eyes are open to it, we will witness a kaleidoscope of endless wonders that God sends us as a precious reminder, He is there. Always. As we marvel, His peace rains down upon us providing the strength to carry on.

So, in the quietness of a cold winters nigh, I held my head up high towards the Heavens, taking witness of the twinkling, starry sky. Breathing in the crisp air as I spoke of heartfelt gratitude to my God and King. A Kaleidoscope of diamonds from a night sky and softly lit colored gems wound tightly upon a small tree became my moment of wonder. And as I drank it all in, then entering my home with my youngest and hubby in toe, His Grace warmed my heart with gladness and strength to endure.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender!

The famous line from the movie, 'Galaxy Quest', 'Never Give Up, Never Surrender', rings forth as my heart's cry this day. On our way to church yesterday morn, I could feel the warmth and pain begin to sweep across my forehead, knowing full well that it was going to be one of those days. I unfortunately was correct. As my beloved husband helped me to my seat, I had the overwhelming peace of coming home. A home that sadly I have been unable to attend for quite sometime. A home that wherever I look, I see faces of loved ones I hold dear. We have called this church our home for almost 18 years now. It's name, 'Sanctuary', means just that. It is and shall always be my safe haven.

As glorious worship filled the room, I sat quietly in my chair. Unable to sing along, let alone speak or stand at length, I closed my eyes and drank in every voice singing out in Praise. And as the pain remained in strength, with another, 'episode', following another, a twinge of fear pricked my mind, trying to invade my thoughts. My soul cried out, "NO"! I will, "Never Give Up, Never Surrender"! 

So, I laid the pain, anguish, and all that accompanies at the foot of the Cross. There would be sweet moments when I would find my voice and sing out in unison with all those surrounding me. And though throughout the service my episodes continued, to the point of needing a cooler area to sit and listen, I continued to find my strength and peace there at, 'Sanctuary'. 

Even on my hardest days, I know that He is here sustaining me. Giving me the strength to live a life of meaning, joy, and laughter in the midst of my falling tears. You see, life is a priceless gift. But, it is what we choose to do with that gift that shapes us. My prayer is one which hopes even on my darkest days, I will exemplify one holding onto a Savior whom loves me. Who loves us all. To epitomize a life transcended by Mercy and Grace. And for my children to continue to walk these shores, no matter what may come their way.

First Snow

It was the 20th of October, when low and behold I noticed that there was snow falling outside of my office window. Living just 45 some miles outside of the windy city, nothing much surprises me anymore when it comes to the weather. I jumped up from my chair, grabbed my camera, threw open the patio doors, and began clicking away, attempting to capture the magical scene before me. Each time I returned to my chair, the snow began to fall heavier as the wind would swirl it about. I would then run back to the doors, fling them open, and pressed the shutter button in attempts to capture the fluffy whiteness as it fell.

The first snowfall of the season is always a wonderful sight for me to behold. Something I in fact treasure. As the snow softly falls, it is a gentle reminder of my Savior's Redemptive love. "Though your [my] sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow;" ~Isaiah 1:18. For one starry night in Bethlehem a babe was born. His purpose laid before Him. A sacrifice to be made. How I wish that I could have held that precious baby close to my bosom. To pour out my love on him as He would someday pour out His love for me. For all of mankind.

With the Holiday Season upon us, what an ideal time to focus on all we have to be Thankful for. I am immensely Grateful for the 2nd chances I have been given in life. Countless in number. For the breath within my lungs, song within my heart, and my Great Physician who continues to hold my very life within His Mighty Hands. I give thanks for loved ones near and far. For the coming opportunities to exemplify His love for them that beats strong within my heart. Each life a priceless gift.

Soon red and gold Christmas decor will fill my home. A tree softly lit, filled with ornaments hung with care, a memory attached to each and every one. Treasured heirlooms to me as they are a reminder of yesteryear. Our home, a peaceful place where all are welcome. In the hope that they will feel the warmth and love that resides here.

Yes, the snowfall is a sight to behold. A reminder of Love shed those thousands of years ago. Freedom within. And plenty of Grace and Mercy for all.

My Camera, a Tool Used to Poor Out Love upon Others

We all have gifts, talents that we have been given. I believe them to be a Blessing from above meant to Bless others here below. There are some whom sing like angels, with their angelic voice transporting us to a place that stirs the soul and imagination. An actor or actresses brilliant  transformation of character is extraordinary. We become mesmerized by those who dance with tremendous grace and dexterity as they move effortlessly across the softly lit stage. Musicians who inspire. Writers who transport us into the places written upon pages of black and white. There is the working- mother, my super-hero, who runs a company, her household, and has dinner cooked and on the table by six. Or what about those dear men and woman who dedicate their lives by giving themselves up fully to serve by helping others. And I believe wholeheartedly that with the gifts of kindness, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and unconditional love, we can change our World.

One of my talents is photography. To capture the essence of an individual through the lens of a  camera is a tremendous gift. It's as if time stops and suddenly you are aware of even the tiniest of details that have gone unnoticed. Sadness hidden behind beautiful brown eyes flexed with gold. The curve of a neck as golden curls fall in a downward spiral. Deep blue eyes of a newborn child, full of wonder and love. And the absolute devotion of a Mama for her children. Undying love for her cherished, priceless, gifts.

You may be wondering, "Well, what does this all have to do with the first paragraph?" Everything!! "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." ~ Matthew 25:40 We have all been given an incredible opportunity to touch the heart of the everyday man through our God given gifting's and talents. To draw out deep from within and inspire the heck out of a world that can use a little bit more color. More compassion. Inspiration. And a whole lot more LOVE.

So, with my camera in hand, I photographed my dear friend, Rachael, above, with her two, precious loves. A gift that truly blessed. Afterwards we sipped coffee as she openly shared of her difficult journey by far. I intently listened, mind open, with an empathetic and understanding heart. In the small corner of my world, she has found a safe haven and a friend whom extended the hand of kindness and a story of Redemptive Love.

What gifts do you have to offer? To extend? To openly share with a soul found wanting? Trust me when I say, you both will be forever changed!

The Race for Acceptance

                                                 

Have you ever seen a greyhound race in a movie or on T.V. per say? These Remarkable dogs fly forth from their gate, chasing some fake looking chicken thing on a stick, while it automatically keeps a pace above the creatures following closely behind.

This has been me most of my life, in a lone race, trying to catch, 'acceptance'. Only to run in circles, never able to latch on to that word. Much too much time and energy I have spent on my outer appearance. Painfully I've watched as my scale tipped up and down with the fluctuations of my weight. Remembering the unintentional, yet hurtful words pertaining to my weight gain throughout the years to present day. So, here I am, running to past recordings I'm playing out in my head, and chasing after a false pretense of the word. Striving for something that I already have. Something which was given to me what seems to be a lifetime ago, by the One Whom matters most! 'TRUE ACCEPTANCE'! 

Have you ever noticed that when someone hurts you, whether intentionally or not, can open an old familiar wound that produces an even greater sting. This has happened throughout the course of my life. Since I was a little girl.

In the little elementary school I attended, Mr. Johnson, my fifth grade teacher, was an older, gruff of a man that intimidated me immensely. In his classroom were of course the normal rows of desks you'd find throughout all the other classrooms. But, these four to five rows were not normal at all. Each row, each desk, was filled accordingly by the 'smartest' student to the 'dumbest' student. And the student with the lowest grade, their's was the very last desk in the very last row. I never left that last row. But, oh how I dreamt of doing so. Horrified, I even made it to the last desk. I cannot tell you how dark those days were for me at that little school, but I can tell you that I am still fighting those, 'demons of stupidity'.

In fact, I was so deeply wounded by that and many other instances such as bullying, being told how ugly I am, ... that when my High School Literature teacher held me after class to commend me on my excellent writing ability, and if I allowed, would love to show this to his publisher, as he himself had published work. Though deeply honored. my answer was, "Thank you so much, but no thank you." Why?!! Because I still could hear Mr. Johnson's voice and many others in the still corners of my mind. Finally, here I am 30 yrs. after refusing my Lit teacher, and I am writing! Sharing my heart thoughts and stories with you. Hoping you and others will glean from them.


I would like to close with this. There is an incredibly profound song in the movie, 'The Greatest Showman', called, 'This is Me'. "I'm not a stranger to the dark. Hide away, they say, 'Cause we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say. No one will love you as you are. But I won't let them break me down to dust. I know that there's a place for us. For we are glorious! When the sharpest words wanna cut me down. I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am proof, I am who I'm meant to be, this is me.....I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me...... Another round of bullets hits my skin. Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in. We are bursting through the barricades. And reach above the sun (we are warriors). Yeah, that's what we'll become. But I won't let them break me down to dust. I know that there's a place for us. For we are glorious!....And I know that I deserve your love. There's nothing I'm not worthy of! This is ME! 

His Voice

I recently heard a Preacher say, "That out of every voice from the outside, His [God's] voice is the only one that can pierce the heart." emphasis added. Can you perceive the truth of that statement?!

Words can abuse, wound, and even destroy the thought process of a man. But, I speak not of the evil of everyday that surrounds us, but the very Word's of our Creator that prompts peace to a weary soul. That brings life back into a dying heart. That pumps purpose now flowing through our veins. He is life. He is Grace. He is Mercy. His Heart is full of extravagant love for His children. Anything else is warped and wrong.

I want to tell you that if your thoughts are telling you something other than what is beneficial to your well being, than those words are lies! Catastrophic lies!

Last week I learned of the passing of an old friend. She had taken her life that Monday. Friends, no words can describe the depth of my grief for her, her family, and loved ones that she left behind. I have thought long and hard about my friend. The voice she chose to listen to that day. The lies that led her to journeys end.  Now at peace, she rests in the arms of her Beloved Savior.

Beloved, He whispers our name. He calls to us. He invites us to dine with Him in the Holy of Holies. His Word fills our empty stomachs with nourishment. He beseeches us to Drink from the Wellsprings of Life. Life. For where there was once despair, we now have Joy. Where weakness, now Strength. Yes. Troubles come and darkness falls. But there is a gentle hand that is reaching out for us to grasp. His fragrant voice of love, tenderly calls our name. His kindness and truth penetrates the heart with light, warmth, and goodness that can only come from above. Our Heavenly Father.

Joy vs Despair

"We are thirsty. Not thirsty for fame, possessions, passion, or romance. We've drunk from those pools. They are salt water in the desert. They don't quench-they kill.“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.....”Righteousness. That's it. That's what we are thirsty for. We're thirsty for a clean conscience. We crave a clean slate. We yearn for a fresh start. We pray for a hand that will enter the dark cavern or our world and do for us the one thing we can't do for ourselves-make us right again." ~ Max Lucado

This is an excerpt from Saturday morning's devotion. As I read these articulate words of, Max Lucado, I felt Grace, gently rain down upon me from the Holy Spirit. And as I re-read the above piece, Mercy flooded my soul. My soul had become distant to the Lord through frustration, disappointment, pride, anger, and confusion at my circumstances at hand. Just as progress began to move forward, it seemed as if the Lord begun to look the other way. Why the worsening pain that began to dig a hole of desperation of the worst kind within my spirit? Oh, I wore a pretty smile upon my face. I made jokes and laughed at the symptoms that are present for all to see and hear. I wrote in my blog of all His Goodness and Grace that I was bathing in each and every day.

Well, I shamefully admit, that even though I tried my best at all of those things, lately behind the scenes, I began to walk a declining slope of despair. Sadness, loneliness, and self-pity produced an ugly lining that cloaked my heart, unable for His daily Grace and Mercy to seep through. Negative thoughts deafened my ability to hear His truth. And my morning devotions recently began non-existent, except for the daily scripture I would read most days on my Bible app. Silence was preferred over my favorite worship songs. It was as if Joy was a balloon and I was allowing it to float away, its string slipping through my loosening grasp. Then throughout the Month of August, four precious individuals passed into Glory, and I could not help but deeply desire what they were now experiencing. An eternal life now without pain and sorrow. Complete Freedom.

But God is Greater than any chain that can bind us here! That binds me! These past weeks or so, God whispered words of encouragement through a sweet friend whom is walking a journey that many cannot fathom, reminding me, I am not alone; Nor ever have been. My mother-in-law is a huge support, trusted confidant, and a bonny friend. Friday night, as tears from pain and frustration streamed downward, my loving Husband helped me off our sofa and into the car. With two daughters in tow, Andy took us on a beautiful drive. With windows down, the warm night air blew my unwashed hair to and fro. Soon we watched on in awe as a silhouette of dark, billowing storm clouds lined the western horizon. And electrified by the brilliant disarrays of heat lightening, lit up the country side in lovely shades of pink and purple hues. A treasured gift from a man and my God who love me without condition. They knew I was in great need of being reminded of the simple beauties in this life that make it all worth while. A simple car ride was not so simple anymore. 

Saturday, I awoke with joy in my heart, even while stumbling around, looking for my much needed migraine medicine. Later, I sat in a big comfy chair that called my name, and dove into my devotion. The devotion in which I have chosen to share with you today. The devotion which reminded me of just how much I continue to need the Lord. How I am never alone. He has given me a Peace and has prompted me to FIGHT! Faith shall see me through! And later that day when my family left for Wheaton College to take in the Football Game with my son, I was okay with that, For the Lord was with me and had other plans for me to fulfill.

"Create in me a pure heart, God, and make my spirit right again." ~PSALM 51:10

Celebration of Life

I just returned from a, 'Celebration of Life', service for a young woman of just the age of 30 yrs., whom I have had the absolute delight of knowing since she was the wee age of 5. Though it had been several years since our last meeting, the imprints that she left upon my heart, and countless others, will last a lifetime. I prefer the term, 'celebrate' vs 'funeral'. For it was in the midst of mourning her loss, that stories of remembrance were shared that brought laughter in the midst of our tears. I liked that. There were a plethora of photos that filled the alter in between beautiful floral arrangements, with a large screen that projected carefully chosen photographs that depicted her personality through the shortened years of her life, as specific songs played along in unison. It was incredibly moving and brought to remembrance a few fond memories that I had the honor of being granted in my own life. There is one that I would like to share with you now.

At twenty-four, I was newly married with a nine yr. old step-daughter, who, in the beginning, was not as excited for me to be her step-mom as much I was to be hers. We attended a small bible church where little Tiffany, attended with her two older brothers. I had known her prior to my marriage. Our Brittany was extremely shy, but it was Tiff's kind and bubbly personality that broke through Brittany's quiet demeanor and brought out the best in her. One year they even had a solo together in the Christmas Pageant. Their costumes were crisp white shirts, white leggings underneath, gold belts worn at the waste, sparkly gold lapels, with halos to match. They were a site to behold as their voices resounded harmoniously. Looking back I wish that I had shared with Tiffany just how much her kinship with Brittany meant to us. To me.

Over the years it was a joy to see Tiffany bloom and blossom into the woman God created her to be. Her strength and determination to conquer and triumph in many areas was a testimony to me. And a smile that would light up a room. I enjoyed each and every meeting of ours over the years. I wish I could've told her that today.

So why do we wait until it is too late to share with our loved ones what they meant to us? Why hold back warm words of sentiment and love? Why wait to take the time to invest in that loved one? Whether via, phone or in person, I can tell you personally that they will be tickled that you took the time to do so. Write a letter. Share a meal. Have a cup of coffee and fellowship together. Celebrate them. You will not be sorry. In fact, you will feel quite the opposite. Don't wait another minute! If need be, forgive. It will only hurt worse when they've gone. Today I have been awakened to do more with my life concerning the life of others. No longer will I waste another moment of opportunity that the Good Lord has blessed me with. Life is Precious and I'm going to share that with those I love and whom may need to be reminded. For they may not be here tomorrow.

Reminded

I have been reminded this past week that, whether expectancy or not, death comes to us all. At all ages. In all sorts of circumstances. In all stages. It is something we can not control. To thwart is impossible. You try to prepare, but in the long run, it still knocks the wind right out of you. Grief tosses you to and fro in a sea of sadness. Our hope has been challenged. Our comprehension is beyond our own understanding. A multitude of questions are hurled out into the night sky. Where were You, God, when they needed You most? Why did they suffer? Why did You not heal them?

Friends, I have asked those questions over the years as I have watched many friends and family members slip away and still do not have all the answers, but through scripture and personal agony, I have learned that through, "....suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope......" Romans 5:3-4. This exemplifies who they are and how they carried on. To live a life that points others to a Just and Merciful Savior. Who carried the weight of mine, theirs, and your pain upon His shoulders. And I believe without a shadow of a doubt that NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, suffers in vain! I know first hand this to be true. We were not promised an easy life here on Earth. This is not our eternal home. We are just passing through. This suit upon our bones is just a rental. And the older I get, and the sicker I seem to become, even in my most darkest moments, when I personally felt all hope to be lost, He lovingly cradled me within His arms, reminding me that compared to the Glory that lies ahead, my pain is for but an instant. I appreciate this more and more each and every single day, knowing full well, that when I cross that shore, God will continue to use my story that I leave behind.

So Beloved, through it all, we see their character shine ever so brightly for our non-understanding eyes to see. Between tears, they found tender moments of peace. God shadowed them through all they endured. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble, or hardship, or persecution.....? NO, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who love[s] us." Revelations 8:35,37 emphasis added. "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the Glory that will be revealed in us." Revelations 8:18. Even now tears of remembrance stream down my cheek as I can still see there beautiful faces in the corners of my mind. Their smiles radiated love and kindness. Their precious memories continue to live forever in my heart. Their lives represented courage and strength which inspires me to this very day. Our loved ones have gone ahead, but the tapestry of their legacy stays behind. It is pieces of their lives and their memories that intertwine with ours and helps us swim through a sea of grief, onto dry land where we continue on in their footsteps by exemplifying their love, joy, humor, strength, kindness, and all else that is woven in between. And knowing full well, that when we cross over to the other side, we will be reunited, never to be separated again.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." ~Kahlil Gibran

The Seed Within

Chronic illness is a lonely road. But I have learned that there is indeed a purpose within the pain. I suffer not in vain, for it is preparing the soil of my soul. It is being tilled, cultivated until loosened, ready for the seed of purpose to be planted down deep within. Though lonely days of silence can be extremely deafening, He remains ever present. God longs for me to have a deeper relationship with Him. As His tears rain down from Heaven, branching together with mine, they stream downward seeping into the rich soil, as it waters the seed. And even though I have found this road at times to be one of great agony, shadowed by a state of hopelessness, it is when I fix my gaze upward to the Son, His illuminating light shines down bringing warmth that reaches into the depths of my inner being.

My seed of purpose begins to sprout, breaking through, and stretching upward. As I continue to tune out the swirling thoughts within my mind, I then am able to recognize His soft, gentle whispers of encouragement. His love is unfathomable as I become enveloped within His arms of Grace. He beckons me to share in His sufferings of long ago, that are found between the pages of Scripture. My sprout receives much needed nourishment as I ingest the Written Word.

The stem grows tall and strong. Its leaves so tightly entwined around the stem begin to loosen, stretching outward. A bud forms at the top. Then... one by one its brilliant petals open until a single blossom unfolds into the masterpiece it was planted to become. Beauty from ashes. A purpose bloomed out of the thorns of life. Oh, how I greatly desire to share my seeds transformation with you. The beauty that life has to offer even through the emptiest of times. I cut my rose to gift it on to someone in need of encouragement. To share its petals of hope where there was once doubt. Joy where there was sorrow. The love of a Savior who will never leave their side.

Now other blossoms begin to grow in its stead. Through continued pruning and nourishment, my story of purpose grows fuller yet. As the weeds of lies and desperation come to choke out the Son's light, with immense aggression I dig each one by up by their roots, tossing them to the wayside. Though many grow back even larger than before, others have joined me to help weed and so tenderly tend to my stories garden. Their hands of mercy encourage me through the stormy days that blow in from time to time. But, it is ultimately my Savior who calms the waves of uncertainty and its torrents of pain. Yes.. this is my story. What is yours? As we ALL have a story to tell.

"Good Friends help you find important things when you have lost them. Your smile. Your hope. And your courage." ~ Doe Zantamata

"Everyone wants to be the sun to lighten up someone's life, but why not be the moon, to brighten in the darkest hour?" ~ unknown

I DEDICATE THIS TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  FOR BEING MY LEGS WHEN I COULD NOT STAND. MY SONG WHEN I COULD NOT SING. MY LIGHT AND JOY IN THE MIDST OF DARK HOURS. WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT MY BEAUTIFUL TAPESTRY OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS!

To My Husband

He took my hand in his and promised me forever. My husband, Andrew, has stood by my side through all of it. All the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.

Andy is a gentle soul. No one like him. My love for him continues to grow daily. It was ignited quickly with two months of courtship between three weeks of Mission work in Kenya, Africa. Engaged with six months of wedding planning, married, and here we are today. Just one week after celebrating our twenty-second Wedding Anniversary.

As I type this I have just finished another diverticulitis infection for the second time in a month along with several other issues at hand. So Grateful not to be in the hospital this go-a-round. These past four months have been particularly stressful on Andy. Between balancing work, the kids, me, and the normal household doings, he is exhausted. But the man never complains. I watch him with the girls and our older two when they are home. Such a good Father he is to them. Such finite detail he places into everything he does. Andy was the first man to look upon me through the eyes of the Father. Such immense love and acceptance he has for me. They both do.

Whether it is by laying a cold ice pack across the back of my neck in attempts to lull a screaming migraine, holding my hand in prayer, squeezing his during my umpteenth needle stick for an IV or blood drawl, or cooking a nice meal for our family, his love continues to shine through. Plucking my heart strings that play out a never ending song of gratitude for this man. The love of my life. My soulmate. My Andy. 

Dedicated to the true Beauty of Marriage. The ins and outs and all of its in-between.

One Minute

In a course of one minute our entire life can change. It only takes a few seconds for our entire life to be turned upside down. Or right side up. The echoing sound of a newborns first cry, rings out in celebration of your new journey called, 'Parenthood'. A phone call notifying of a loved ones passing. A healing received. A devastating diagnosis. Hearing the most beautiful seven words, "I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife!" Your final signature on a set of divorce papers. The tearing open of an envelope concealing your High School Senior's acceptance letter to the college of their first choice. Or, a heartbreaking call from the police station notifying you that your child has been arrested. So many examples yet to be made, but the bottom line is that we live in a fallen world and as long as we have breath and a heartbeat, we will experience all sorts of joys and heartache.

I also want to make something so very clear to you, that no matter the circumstance, God is with you. You are not, nor ever will be, alone. You must have Faith! He knows every hair upon your head. He created you in your mother's womb, therefore has seen your unformed body. My dear Sir, my dear Lady, I speak from experience. I have walked through most of the scenario's written above. I know what it is to have unspeakable Joy overflowing from the depths of within. But I also have felt pain that cuts so deep, you wonder if you will survive. I've experienced such sorrow and grief that fills your soul and chokes so tight, you find it hard to breathe. I know full well that as long as I draw breath there will be trials and triumphs. I also know with absolute clarity that I will never be alone. My God does not sleep. He is all knowing. All Loving. An ALL Merciful God.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid." ~Psalm 27:1 (ESV)

The Balm of Gilead

"There is a balm in Gilead. To make the wounded whole. There is a balm in Gilead To heal the sin-sick soul." I recently was reminded of this sweet hymn by: 'N. Simone/Nina Simone'. Just three days past. I remember singing it as a little girl in the Lutheran Church that I grew up in. But I had not thought of it for a very long time. As I entered the warmth of the sun to sit at my patio table, I had a strong desire to learn more of this, 'Balm of Gilead', and the scriptures behind it.

Apparently, I never grasped the fullness of the story. In, Jeremiah 8:21-22, Jeremiah is found crying out to God in great anguish of the destruction of the people of Judah, a result from turning their faces from God. They corrupted their hearts, souls, and very lives with everything that stood against their True and Righteous God. Yet Jeremiah cries out, "Since my people are crushed, I am crushed; I mourn, and horror grips me. Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?" Do you not feel his despair? Even now as I again read this, tears fall. My heart aches. I can feel his anguish as he mourns for his people.

Is that not how we ought to be for our fellow man? For our friends, relatives, and neighbors who struggle so. So many sick and weary souls that are in need of a comforter. Won't you reach out your hand? Can you not feel their pain? I do. I see it in their eyes. I hear it when their voice. I feel it upon my knees. Or, are you the one in need of a physician? Do you have a festering sore of worry, anxiety, depression, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, sin, grief, the list goes on? The time has come to clean out those wounds. You may not be able to control the life-disrupting things that surround you daily, but by golly, you can control what is inside by, REPENTING and turning away. RECEIVE His Mercy and Grace. RESIST the devil and he will flee from you. And, WALK it OUT!

Later in the book of Jeremiah, God in His infinite Mercy saved and brought restoration back to His people. Just as the Lord continues to do so today. So, "If you can pray like Peter. If you can preach like Paul. Go home and tell your loved ones, He died to save us all." And if you cannot pray as Peter or preach like Paul, that does not matter at all. Just give them love, be a friend. The Love of the Lord will take over and meet you both in the end.
 

My First Love

As I sat in the quietness of my front porch I read these words and then yet again, stirring up my soul with conviction. "Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love."~ Revelation 2:4.

In a whirlwind of daily activities and all that accompanies them, it is not hard for one to lose focus of what truly matters in this world. Recently I found myself growing complacent in my time and relationship with the Lord. I found my moments of devotion and prayer becoming more a sense of duty and lackadaisical mindset rather than one of Desire and Commitment. Why with someone who has so much time on their hands, not give the Creator more of it? More focus? More attention? More love for the One Whom first Loved them?

A Broken Hallelujah became the convicted song of my heart. I found spending less time on my cellular device and in other places has helped increase my time and attention towards the Lord and for all those around me. I had an even greater desire to invest more of my relationship with our Heavenly Father as in the lives of all that mean so much to me. To give freely of myself. An offering of Praise and Sacrifice.  Life is precious. We all have been given this immense gift of time and the option of how we spend it. How will you spend yours?

Even the Trees Clap their Hands

I awakened this Sunday morning ill and quite exhausted from one of several conditions. Knowing full well that I would be missing now my third Sunday in a row, with much disappointment I re-positioned myself in bed, fluffed pillows, and fell back to sleep. At exactly 11:30 I awoke. Groggy, I stumbled down the hall to take my morning medications I had missed, dress, and descended the stairs to the silence bellow. With coffee, phone, and inhaler in hand, I exited the house to the sunshine and windy day that awaited me.

Sitting quietly, savoring my iced Mocha, I began to pray for the day at hand. I asked the Lord to forgive my many downfalls. With a worshipful heart I gave thanks for His Grace. I Praised Him and Thanked Him for His love. For my precious husband and four children. And in the green vastness of my backyard, I silenced my soul. I waited for my God to speak to this open heart ready and willing to receive. Then something unexpected happened. The gusts of wind increased in an even greater state causing the branches to blow to and fro generating sound and motion from there long limbs as if they were clapping and dancing before their Marvelous Creator.

In Isaiah 55:12, it is written,"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." If the trees praise Him, how much more should I? So I closed my eyes and opened my mouth in song. "Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning my song shall rise to thee. Holy, Holy, Holy! Merciful and Mighty! God in three Persons, Blessed Trinity! Holy! Holy! Holy! Lord God Almighty! All Thy work shall praise Thy Name in earth and sky and sea. Holy! Holy! Holy! Merciful and Mighty! God in Three Persons, Blessed Trinity!" by Reginald  Heber (1783-1826) 

God truly met me right where I was. My backyard, the backdrop for my church. The Oak trees and tall grasses were its members. The wind was our song.

The Joy of Mentoring

"But the Lord said, ..."But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left... Should I not be concerned about that great city?"~ Jonah 4:11.
Mentoring is a gift and as older women who have grown and lived through the many life experiences of faith, love, marriage, motherhood, working-outside-the-home, loss, joys, and so much more, I believe it to be one of life's greatest privileges to help young women who come into our lives to train up, encourage, and love through this similar road called life. To pass on the knowledge and wisdom we have learned along the way.

Today I would like to share about one of the kindest, vivacious, loveliest women inside an out that has been one of life's greatest joys to journey alongside while traveling a road thronged with rocky terrain, slippery slopes, heartache, to finally a bend that led down into a luscious valley of faith, love, hope, and joy.

The first time I met Rachael was on a hot summer day. With sweat pouring down my face I was attacking an absolutely huge thistle growing along the side of our home when this bubbly and enthusiastic 19 yr. old came bouncing over from next door to rescue me. Taking pity on me, she took the shovel from my hands and began with great gusto and vigor to dig up the hideous plant. Once uprooted, our excitement was cut short as there against the siding rested the largest, thinly, ugliest spider neither one of us had before encountered. Rachael through down the shovel, screaming and running in the opposite direction as I followed doing the same. Yep! She most definitely was a kindred spirit.

It has been 6 yrs. since then and I have had the utmost pleasure standing and praying with her  through some of life's hardest circumstances. Unplanned Pregnancy. Heartbreak. Life as a single parent. Questions. Fear. Doubt. Tears. Loneliness. REDEMPTION! Through it all Rachael held onto her Faith. A remarkable testimony at that. And as the Lord worked through me to minister to her, I grew also. Right alongside of my friend.

These past years have flown quickly by. Rachael became a part of our family. A big sister to my two younger daughters. They have witnessed that though she struggled, there is Grace that covers a multitude of sins. And that is just what Rachael is walking out. GRACE! A lesson that as Christians we all come to learn.

A little over a year ago Rachael married the love of her life and lives now in the South where her husband is stationed. They both love and serve the Lord and each other. Rachael's husband loves her little girl as his own and are expecting their first child at summers end.

                                  
What a complete privilege and honor it has been for me to walk this journey with such an astounding woman. Such immense love I have for Rachael and little Sofia. God implemented me to make a difference. But He used Rachael to do just that in me. In all of ours. So I want to encourage you older gals out there who have some wisdom and kindness to share, pray and seek God if there is a young lady you can pour your heart into. A treasured gift you both shall find.

My Constant Companion

There is a road traveled down many a times. One all too familiar to me. This road is known as 'Loneliness'. A road that I have journeyed throughout my years since childhood. A road I wish to become foreign to me. The Merriam Dictionary sums up Loneliness by these four words: LONE. SOLITARY. DESOLATE. LONESOME. A thought process that poisons the mind and distorts our perception of reality. My reality.

When the reality is nothing of the sort. For when I wept words of repentance and remorse and, "Though my sins were like scarlet, they became white as snow, though they were red as crimson, they are now like wool." ~ Isaiah 1:18 (emphasis added). I now have Christ within me. "Therefore I am in Christ, and a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come!"~ 2Corinthians 5:17 (emphasis added). Then if the old has gone, which includes the four words above; the lies the enemy whispers that magnified my already distorted thought process, I've been reborn in every sense of the word! Christ lives within me. He is my constant Companion. My Best Friend. The lover of my soul.

So when days are too quiet and the nights too long, I open the Word to read promises of assurance and comfort. I sing songs of gladness, sometimes off key, but gladness just the same. I revel in ways that I can be a blessing to others right where I am at. And I am reminded of all the beauty around me. Within the ones I love and in the Creation that surrounds me. I have CONTENTMENT. I have FREEDOM. I feel JOYFUL. I am LOVED. Loneliness is no more.

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."
-Aristotle